you grew up and you sparkled

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Some things can be deleted.  For example, I can backspace this entire entry or I can simply “delete” the previous post that I wrote a couple of hours while I was upset and listening to a great band.  Other things… well, it’s not so easy to delete.  It’s hard to delete feelings or actions.  It’s hard to delete things that you’ve said.  There is so much that we do that we sometimes wish could be deleted but it just can’t.  It is an inextinguishable fact of life that we are forever suck with. So instead of deleting my previous post I am going to leave it as a reminder because without moments of regret or even sorrow we would not learn how to over come difficult times and see the brighter side.

Within the past couple hours my thoughts were floating through an abyss of insecurity. They found their way into my ever frequent battle with trust. A secret of mine that really is no longer a secret is that it is difficult for me to trust anyone.  I am always thinking the worst because I assume that everyone thinks of the worst of me.  I don’t know where it stems from but it is something that I’ve been battling within myself for a long time. Something that I did tonight was confront elements succumbed from my difficultly with trust. I feel a lot better that he understands where I am coming from and that our happiness is not based on lies, but rather the result of undeniable love.

“I’m so glad I found you, I’m not gonna lose you
Whatever is takes to stay here with you
Take it too the good times, see it through the bad times
Whatever it takes is what I’m gonna do” 
-Nothing’s Gonna Stop Us Now, The Starting Line (Starship Cover) 

Things Not Seen

Earlier tonight I texted one of my favorite people and her son responded, “Its matt mom is reading to me”

Judi is amazing. Amidst all the stress she goes through each day she still finds the time to read to her son. It’s moments like these that he will remember forever. I can’t wait to read to my child one day. I’ll think back to Judi. Maybe she’ll be the one texting me. <3

Soul Sister’s Approval in a Folded Piece of Paper

Yesterday I found a folded up piece paper inscribed with quotes from a night full of laughs with my best friend last summer.  What did I find wonderful about the things that were coming out of her mouth (quite quickly, it is evident by my awful chicken scratch) that I needed to write them down?  Well… it was her approval.  Her approval of me liking a certain a boy.  A certain boy who happens to be my boyfriend right now. <3

Here is what she had to say on August 3rd of 2010…

a. He’s into sports
b. He actually dresses nice
c. He puts product in his hair
d. He doesn’t mope. (He wasn’t a little bitch).
This one is very important…
e. He didn’t tell you wedding vows on the first night.
f. He is Facebook cooperative

Many of these are inside jokes, but what is most funny is how to react when we uncover that the other has a secret crush.  It pretty much goes like this…
1. Accusation
2. Denial
3. Second accusation
4. Confession/laughs…. forever and ever.

Then we joke with each other the whole night about figuring out the crush and being right.  It’s so funny and we have been doing it since we were in middle school.  I remember that Jer called Arno “Arny” and even said “Arnooooooo, Taylor is going to have one with that name!”  It is such a great feeling to have my best friends approval of my boyfriend.  It makes me even happier that they are friends!

“Alison. Arno. Double A. You two are batteries. You charge each other. You give each other energy.” -Jerica Young

Coco Barkley Sotolongo

I am sitting at the kitchen table of the parents’ house doing some homework and listening my little pup snore.  He’s not so much a pup anymore at the age of 12, but to me he will always be.  I still remember the day we brought this little clearance puppy home.  He was a nameless fluff of energy.  Before we were even able to walk out of the pet store “Nameless” later to be named Coco Barkley crawled up my Dad’s shoulder and jumped into the arms of the person standing behind us buying some type of pet food.  So excited about the new edition to our family my Dad and I took a drive and visited my Mom at work.  Coco made his mark at Penn Federal Savings Bank by peeing on the rug, a habit of his that we still sometimes encounter.  At the time we had thrown around a few names I liked Twister, while my Dad liked Taz.  My mom contested to the name of Taz because it reminded her of an unpleasant customer at the bank who went by that nickname.  She suggested Onyx because of his black fur, but I so quickly contested because of the association with a Pokemon I deemed unpleasant.  Coco was called Oreo for a couple of hours until my Dad decided he did not like the abundance of vowels the name possessed.  The three of us are uncertain who came up with Coco, but somehow we all agreed and it stuck.  I however am credited with his middle name, Barkley, which is so perfectly fitting.  Through the years our little pup has had other nicknames: Cocomotion, Cokey, Coke, Cokes, Coco B., Oc-oc (for when we didn’t want him knowing that we were taking about him), Angelface, El Perrito, Puppylove, Coco Barkley Wellington III (when as I child I wanted him to sound wealthy) + many more.  

He is not like a member of the family, he is a member of the family.  I treat him like a brother. I have even FaceTimed with him, no lie.  I use his judgement when it comes to meeting people. (I’m pretty sure he loves Arno just as much as I do!).  He is just the greatest pup in the entire world.  As I sit here typing this entry and listening to his old man puppy snores, I can’t help but think of how lucky I am that he is my dog.

Home

“Sometimes a soul must wander to truly know it’s home.”

The funniest tweet I will ever read

mrandrewlewis: @Ifyoucally Nope…he is roadtrippin’ to garth (but at like noon so he doesn’t leave at the ass crack of dawn)

I wish I could retweet this, but I can’t because she could see it and that would be mean. BUT NOTHING IS STOPPING ME FROM POSTING IT ON HERE.  You are a good and funny man Mr. Andrew Michael Lewis. And can’t forget… amazing friend <3

“It’s never the end of the world.”

A couple months ago I received those words in text message form from someone who was never ever really my friend.  It’s strange to me how I find myself confiding in the reality of this statement now when it was so often expressed to me in many forms for many years.  Someday I will be able to truly live the significance of the statement. I just hope that when I do, it won’t be the end of the world.